stray doggy,
- Date
- 2005-09-06 (Tue)
- Category
- diary
もうあと４か月で１年も終わりだけれど、決意めいたものを思い付いたので書き記そうと思う。
今まで迷ってること多過ぎた。
最近 K 氏と一緒にいて、自分もまだ捨てたもんじゃないな、って思う反面、このまま何処まで行けるのか、不安はある。だって、僕が仕事受けまくって、プレシャーに押しつぶされそうになりつつ睡眠時間を削ってる所とか、構造は全く一緒なんだもの。
一方、自分自身のプログラミング能力の高さと、実装経験の無さは相変わらず鬩ぎあう。ついて行かないと行けないことっていっぱいあるけど、それらみんなについて行くのってやっぱり無理っぽい。
F通の人が言っていたけれど、「若い人たちは吹っ切りが足りない」と。（彼の話はいい加減な所は気がついたけれども、押して来る何かがあったのも事実。それに比べて Sィ のいい加減なこと。まぁ相手にする母数が違いすぎるから、あぁ言う対応の違い、解説のための解説になる理由は解る気がするけどね。）
だから、っていうか結論はいつもすごい平凡で本当にヤになっちゃうけど、続けることなんだよね。おととしくらいに自殺した鷺沢萌だったかな、彼女曰く感じた人の勝ちっていうこと。僕が今感じているのは、僕の感じる力がだんだん失われていってるって言うことだけ。でもまだ遅すぎはしないはず。
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